Surgery is schedule for Tuesday. I feel like I'm stuck in a very unfunny version of Groundhog Day but I've come to terms with it. I'm tired of crying about it, it's not gonna change anything so instead I'm putting my anger to good use. I've been using my elliptical machine at least 4 times a week for a month now. At first I could barely make it 5 minutes but now I'm on there for at least a mile, sometimes much more if I don't crank the resistance up too much.
It feels good to sweat out my frustrations about the surgery, about all of our fertility problems, about my fears for my dad's health, about how my heart aches when I think about the social issues my sweet nephew may face if he doesn't grow out of his tourette's. I get mad and it pushes me further than my legs think they can take me. By the time I'm done I've surrendered my anger and hurt and all that's left is accomplishment. I drag my sweaty self into the shower feeling like my problems are somehow smaller because I'm stronger. It's as if my body is ready to get in a boxing ring with the my surgeon/infertility/MS/tourette's & take any and all of them down.
Good luck honey. I'll be praying for you (in AND out of the shower). Love you!!
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