Nerves

Tomorrow morning I get another look at our little one.  It's been two weeks.  Two weeks of rushing off to the bathroom several times a day to check for blood, analyzing symptoms and worrying when I don't feel both exhausted and nauseous.  On top of this I've been switched from PIO to crinone.  Apparently it's easier to monitor my progesterone levels better with crinone because it doesn't go in your bloodstream like PIO.  What they don't tell you is that it's gross.  I've done vaginal suppositories before but none of them have left behind what they call 'white globules' but really is something best described as cottage cheese.  Hubby is no longer asking when we're cleared for sex, poor guy doesn't want any part of this situation and I can't blame him.  I've never felt less sexy in my life.

I want more than anything for this to be worth it, for this to be the pregnancy that ends in a delivery room with a baby in my arms.  What I've learned from all this is that if its not, if this has the same sad tragic ending as other pregnancies, then God has other plans for us.  I can't put myself and my husband thru this again.

We are praying that tomorrow shows a healthy strong baby, if it does my sweet husband has agreed to rent a hospital grade fetal monitor so I can check for a heartbeat in between appointments.  Until then I'm going to think positive and pray that this is our take-home baby.

If any of y'all want to pray with me I'd appreciate it.