Blessings

One of my closest friends got engaged recently. We're a group of four, spread across the country, we spend a lot of time on Skype and they're the kind of girls who, when something happens to one of us it happens to all of us. We've laughed together, grieved together, cried together, celebrated together, you name it and we've done it. We've been thru marriages, babies, death of parents, personal crisis', and much, much more. When I had my breast cancer scare they descended on me and propped me up thru the whole thing. They sent care packages nearly daily, one them even made a card by taping two pink party plates together and drew nipples on them so they looked like boobs. They've listened to me go on and on about trying to get pregnant, get excited every cycle and help me thru the disappointment of another BFN. We planned a girls weekend to check out where she wanted to get married and have some fun. We had a blast, drank too much champagne and stayed up too late talking. I came back recharged and feeling whole again. I wonder sometimes about people who don't have that core group of friends, those people who would walk thru fire for you. These women are amazing and I'm a better person having them in my life. I'm blessed with so many things, one of them is having them in my life. That weekend left me energized and ready to face this again. I think next cycle will be our next and last iui.

One Way Or Another

After a little baby makin vaca we're back. Sometime in the next cycle or two we're gonna try one more IUI with super-ovulation. If this one doesn't work we're moving on. We'll either do IVF or adoption. Not sure how we'll find the money but we'll make it work. I want to carry our child, I lost a little boy prematurely and felt like I failed as a woman. I want to carry a baby to term, I want the experience but we can't keep doing this indefinitely. DH has such a good heart and didn't hesitate when I brought the idea of using donor sperm, he will love our child with his whole heart, regardless of biology. If we ultimately decide to move ahead with adoption I know I'll love him or her like I would a child I carried, it's not about that, the biology of it is a non-issue to me. It's the experience. I've been fascinated by pregnancy since I learned where babies came from. The idea that you can grow another human being inside you is simply amazing. More than all that I want to be a mom. Add into that how exhausted we both are of this whole process I think this next iui will be out last. We'll either adopt or move onto IVF. But for now, we'll probably start shots again in a few weeks and gear up for one more try.