As expected this wasn't our month. The really cruel part is that AF decided to show up as my Mother's Day gift. Every time I think about it I start to cry so I'm just pushing it out of my mind. I had so many close friends call or text little notes to me on Sunday to point out that even though my son is in heaven I'm still a mom and to try to have a good day but it was rough. I wasn't expecting this month to work but there was a little voice in the back of my head that kept saying 'how many times have you heard about the worst possible circumstances being the month that worked for other ladies'. I tested on 12dpo and got a bfn but told myself to wait it out, and if AF didn't show up by 16dpo I was gonna test again. Well, Sunday was 15dpo and I was crushed.
A little over a week ago I called Manhattan Cryobank and told them our donor's counts were super low. I was told they have to send a form to our doctor's office to find out how the sample was prepped and verify everything was done accurately and that they'd be in touch. I haven't heard from them since. My parents were in town the end of last week thru Monday so I haven't had a chance to call them back and find out what's taking so long. I won't have a chance till probably Friday, which will be two weeks from the first call, because I can't exactly make this call from my desk. It's really irritating that they aren't reaching out to me. We spent over $500 on that sample plus all the other expenses (almost $750) we had based on a guarantee of 20 million motile sperm. You would think all that money would get us better customer service.
DH and I had a long talk and it turns out what is stressing him out about this process is the financial aspect of it. We've put a lot of our needs on hold to pay for this. We share one car, rent instead of own, put our student loans in forebarence (sp?) and have been putting off some much needed replacements in our house (the TV is going out in the living room, our vacuum cleaner is on it's last leg, my keurig died, etc). Every extra penny we have goes towards having a baby and we've been living like this for two and a half years. He's exhausted and wants a little breathing room. What I misread as him hinting at giving up was really him hinting at taking a month or two off to catch our breath. So, the compromise is we put $1,000 into savings for non-babymaking expenses, replace a couple appliances, put $1,000 into our student loans and then start up again. Luckily I've negotiated myself back to my full-time salary at work (we've all had a 20% paycut but I've brought in a lot of work lately) and I've picked up a couple of freelance design jobs on my own lately so it's possible we may just take this cycle, maybe one more off and then be back at it.
The other news is that I told my mom what we're doing. Up until now nobody in my family except a cousin I'm really close to knew about all this. DH had requested we keep it quiet until we got pregnant and possibly even thru the first trimester. My family is a little boundary-challenged and he didn't want all the pressure that comes with them knowing about all this. Now, years later his bigger concern was them thinking we aren't handling our finances well or he isn't providing for me so he asked me to tell them. I told my mom and broke down crying when I told her about it. She was really great. My mom's a little unpredictable about stuff like this but she handled it like a champ. All she was worried about was saying the wrong thing because she doesn't know what this is like (oh, and upon finding out we were having procedures done with a specialist she requested we not get pregnant with 6 kids....sure thing mom).
This whole process is so stressful, I feel like the obstacles go out of their way to find us. It's like we're fighting the universe but we're not giving up. We want a family and we'll do what it takes to make that happen.
No comments:
Post a Comment