I don't understand your issue

I googled the donor embryo clinic we are using today and it seems there are a bunch of people getting worked up over what they are offering and their referring to it as donor embryos.  What's offered is two embryos per transfer created from combining donor eggs and donor sperm.  The eggs donated from women are split up between several patients and if the cycle is not sucessful you get an embryo from a new egg/sperm donor at the next transfer.
Apparently people are taking issue with two things - calling them donor embryos and offering them at all.  I really don't understand the problem.  They have been very upfront with dh and I about what they are offering and what that means so people's claims that they are hiding something are just coming from people with more opinions than knowledge but the other two things, either I'm overlooking something or people are looking for something to be upset about.  There are way more people out there looking for them than people offering embryos from left over ivf cycles so its not like creating these embryos means existing ones will be destroyed.  There's another claim that you shouldn't sell embryos.  I don't get that one either.  An egg donor and or sperm donor is compensated.  Traditional egg donors are known to charge several thousand dollars.  The clinic that creates these embryos is deserving of compensation for the work they do too.  The last thing I really don't get is people taking issue with calling it a donor embryo, if a donor egg and donor sperm don't make a donor embryo I don't know what does.
Maybe I'm just not seeing it but it really seems to me people are looking at something to be upset about and feel superior over.  You would think the infertility struggle would bring people together... Guess not.

Here We Go

There are so many things to get done to get to the point of being matched.  We have to:

Have a phone consult with their coordinator (done)
Fill out a medical history form (done)
Have a phone consult with one of their doctors (done)
Request our records from our RE for them to review (on their way)
Get several labs run (doing that tomorrow)
Get an annual exam (scheduled for the week after next)
Get a mammogram (obgyn will order it at my annual exam)
Meet with a therapist who specializes in infertility (calling tomorrow to set up)

I might also have to have some tests redone since its been more than a year but I'm waiting for them to get my records and review them to tell me for sure what I'll need (hopefully nothing).

In the mean time I started my period today, I called their coordinator to report it (at their request) and I'm to start taking birth control pills on Saturday.  I know it sounds weird to think someone trying to get pregnant starts by taking the pill but they want to be able to control your cycle so it syncs up with the donor in case you get a fresh transfer.

So, we are well on our way.  As long as none of the testing I need shows anything to be worried about we should be able to match by the end of the year!

Consults 1 & 2 done!

We've had both our initial consult with the coordinator of the donor embryo program and the consult with their doctor.  Next step is getting an annual exam and mammogram as well as sending them our records from our RE's office.  I'm also working on dropping a few pounds since I'm within tenths of a point of their BMI requirement.  I have serious doubts on if I'll qualify for their guarantee because of a fibroid I have but I'm going to talk to my RE, tell him what's going on and see if he thinks it's worth my pursuing.
I'm trying to let this just play out how it's gonna play out but the control freak in me is struggling.

....proof I'm conflicted about the refund: had a salad for dinner and worked out, now I'm eating a piece of pie.... I'm a puzzle.

Forward Motion

We had our phone consult this week, I took all kinds of notes, even recorded most of it (put iPhone on speaker and use iPad to record with voice memo app) I'm trying real hard to just roll with this and let it play out how it's going to play out but seriously, I'm a control freak.  Here's what I learned though:  next step is to have a phone consult with one of their doctors, that's scheduled for Monday, we also have to meet with a therapist specializing in infertility to make sure we understand the complexities.  I also need a bunch of tests, current annual exam and mammogram, fun for me...

Their stats: for FET 50% twin rate, 50% pregnancy rate per cycle, for fresh transfer 50% twin rate, 65% - 85% pregnancy rate.  A-mazing!!!

The thing that has me most stressed is the timeline, traveling with a 'window of time, especially with fresh transfers makes me uncomfortable.  My company works from 'the cloud' so with a laptop i can work anywhere with a wifi signal but hubby cant do that so he may not be able to come with me.  Then hubby and I started doing the math and the program fee ($9,800) is just the start.  I figure there's probably 2 lining checks, approx $200 each, meds which they quoted at $800 - $1,000 each and travel & hotel expenses, which I'm ball parking at $1,000. So, the program fee covers up to three tries, if we need all three (please no!) add another   $2,000 to $2,500 per cycle which totals $7,500!  I think hubs had a small stroke.

Hopefully this will work on the first try and we can FINALLY get our bfp!

Step one

We have our initial phone consult with the donor embryo clinic on Tuesday, I'm. Trying to organize my thoughts to figure out what we want to ask and I'm having a hard time with it.  This is such a new idea I don't even know what I don't know... (that made sense in my brain, probably more than it does to you). Hubby doesn't seem to have many questions, he's too focused on getting the money together trying to be pragmatic about it, I think he's been disappointed too many times to get excited about this yet.
Here's hoping that between now and Tuesday I can calm my brain down enough to organize my thoughts.
More later.

Who Cares How You Get There???

I've had a couple of blunt conversations with loved ones in my life about this new option we are pursuing.  Most people have never heard the term 'donor embryo' before and have to be brought up to speed on where they come from.  Of the half dozen or so people I've shared this with the majority have been super supportive and excited about the idea.  I did have one person who, in retrospect, was only asking the frank questions I rely on my friends for, the ones that force me to examine my own intentions but at the time I could feel myself getting defensive and angry.  But there was one woman who took me completely by surprise.  I've always found her to be a little judgmental and I think her opinions are largely driven by whoever explained 'their side' of the issue first rather than any genuine introspective thought process but her reaction to our news took me completely by surprise.  "aren't you worried that you'll get the bad eggs since the bio-mom used the best ones?". "how are you going to explain what you did to your future kid?  They aren't technically adopted but they aren't genetically yours either?" "Do you think you'll bond the same way with someone else's baby growing inside you?". It went on and on. It helps to know she has three beautiful girls, all of whom were planned for and none of whom did she have to struggle to get so she has no personal frame of reference for this journey but still, I felt like she was slinging judgement and fear on me to the point that I needed a shower when I was done.  I don't even know what I was thinking by telling her, I think I was just excited and was having lunch with her.  We met for lunch in one of my favorite local dives and we came separately so I paid the check and gave her the following analogy: we both came here from similar parts of town, you took main and I took second street.  Does it really matter much how we got here?  I'd like to enjoy the fact that we're both here and instead you're too busy passing judgement on the route i took.  And with that, I got up and left knowing then more than ever that this is our best path to parenthood and I'm totally at peace with this.